Sub-Vertical: Dietary_Prehension

Fuck
Vegans

DIETARY_PREHENSION

The Death of Farming.
Performative Purity at the Cost of the Food Chain.

They want to ban IP13 and end the Oregon ranching tradition while eating avocados flown in on private jets...

The nutritional and moral deficit:

The IP13 Threat:Criminalizing the biological reality of animal husbandry...

Fuckvegans.com is the digital middle finger to the gentrification, the pretension, and the systematic displacement of the people who actually liked it here before it was 'curated.'

Moral high grounds are usually made of plastic.

Dairy Free Seed Oil Ratio

98%

Metric point verified.

Nut Milk Water Waste

1.1 Gal/Nut

Metric point verified.

Audit Alert

Cocaine is Not Vegan.

Between the diesel used in production and the decimation of the rainforest, your weekend "supplement" isn't cruelty-free.

The Wall of Shame: Vegans

"I'm banning fishing to save the planet, but I'm typing this on a phone made with cobalt mined by children."

Activist[2025]

The Douchebag Index: vegans

Select all that apply to you or your neighbor. Be honest.

Mentions being vegan within 5 minutes of meeting someone

Wears "vegan leather" (pure petroleum plastic)

Tried to sign a petition to ban fishing in Oregon

Orders almond milk without acknowledging the water table collapse

Uses "meat-eater" as a pejorative for anyone who farms

Eats year-round avocados flown in from 4,000 miles away

Unironically consumes cocaine while claiming moral purity (Remind them: Cocaine is NOT vegan)

Diagnosis0%

[Local (Barely Surviving)]